Made for Relationships that Last

It came to a point when marriage becomes unnecessary for me. With so many married couples seeking divorce and those who cannot legally get married solicits recognition through a wedding ceremony, marriage seems to be reduced into another paperwork that has to be done to get through life.

I remember I once told my father, on Skype, that when I get married, my husband and I will have separate bank accounts. This would make it easier for us to part ways just in case our marriage did not work (because I observed that the longest and most difficult part of a divorce case is the settlement of joined properties and assets).

My father was quiet. And I don't like it when he is. He was even smirking at me. So I asked him why he was silent. I pushed him to tell me what he thinks of what I said.

Then in a very careful yet certain manner, that is so typical of him, he said:

"Anak, kasi nung pinakasalan ko yung nanay mo, hindi ko inisip na maghihiwalay kami."
("My child, when I married your mother, being separated from her was never an option.")

I was silent. I realized how selfish and twisted my view of marriage had become.

When God created us, He made us for relationships that last. He created the first man and woman "in His own image" because He desires that they be a reflection of who He is and how He loves. But it's interesting how it's easier for us to say 'I love God' yet it's a struggle for us to show this love to others, especially with those closest to us.

This is most true especially in marriage. Unlike friendships and professional relationships, marriage teaches us how to love in an exclusive, highly committed 'set-up' regardless of the faults and shortcomings of one another. No matter how you want to get rid of your spouse, just like how you would zone someone out in a friendship or at work, you just can't. You are married.

And it's just mind-blowing to realize that God actually designed marriage as a way to prepare us for eternity. He is giving us a glimpse of how committed He is in loving us. He doesn't love only when things are convenient and profitable.

Made to last. 06 September 2015.

As my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary, I have a deeper appreciation of the enormous courage and hard work they have put into their marriage to reach that far. My parents - two mere mortals who fell in love (hehe) - are far from being perfect. But they have always believed in God's purpose for marriage. I pray I could honor them by having the faith to do the same.

Kaligayahan

Naghahabol, nagtatago, nalilito
Gusto kumawala sa lumang siklo
Nagpapaka-misteryoso
baka sakaling sumeryoso

Kaligayahan, ano nga ba ang paraan
Sinusuri kung hahanapin
kapag nawala baka ako ang habulin
kapag kumawala sa akin sisihin

Kaligayahan, ano nga ba ang dahilan
Panandalian, pangmatagalan
Hinahanap kung saan-saan
Habang-buhay o magpakailanman?

Tatay

That face! :D

While doing some weekend cleaning, I chanced upon this old photo (left). It brought back that wonderful memory when I was overjoyed because Tatay was home for my elementary graduation day.

As a seaman, Tatay was mostly away during our childhood years. The longest time we would spend with him was two months in a year. It was my Nanay who usually accompany me during school recognition day.

But one thing I am most thankful about Tatay was that no matter where he was in the planet, he was regularly in touch. He wrote us letters, oftentimes validating us of our achievements in school.

So it really meant so much to me to finally have Tatay on my side for the graduation march. Finally, the person whom I have been dedicating all my hard work for was standing beside me. He might not know it, but he was my greatest achievement that day. I finished on top of our graduating class and was donned with all those medals, but I know in my heart, that success only became meaningful to me because he was around.

It just hit me that this father-child relationship is so profound that I still cannot explain why I find it a joy to please my Tatay. I could have been angry for not seeing him as often. I could have rebelled and point to his absence.

But while a lot of fathers get sidetracked with their desire to be a good provider, I just realized that Tatay did not have to give me everything I need just for me to love him. He just had to be there.

Tatay only went back overseas once after my graduation day. When he came home, he decided not to leave anymore. We were struggling financially during my college years. It was really difficult. Yet looking back, I could never be thankful enough to him for choosing to be a "father" more than anything else.

Happy Father's Day, Tatay. Thank you for being a father to me.

Tira-tirang Soft Drink

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko biglang kinausap si Henry. Siguro dahil nung nanghingi siya ng barya at ibinigay ko yung soft drink na bitbit ko, sinabi niya sa akin, "Ate, uminom ka muna. Baka di ka pa umiinom dyan eh."

Inaasahan kong katulad ng ibang bata sa kalye, garapal din si Henry. Wala sa sarili, sabog, nag-a-adik-adik. Kaya nga hindi ko pinapansin ang mga katulad nila. Pero nagulat ako sa reaksiyon niya sa aking pagbibigay-limos: may pakialam siya sa akin.

Kaya ginawa ko ang isang bagay na hindi ko pa ginagawa sa tanang buhay ko. Nakialam ako. Umupo ako malapit sa kanya. Tinanong ko kung bakit siya nanghihingi ng barya. Maysakit daw kasi ang nanay niya. Hinihika. Kaya siya ang nakatoka na maghanap ng pagkain nila sa pang-araw-araw. Tinanong ko kung nasaan yung tatay niya. Iniwan daw sila, may ibang babae. Sabi ko, loko yung tatay mo no; iniwan kayo.

Hindi niya ako sinagot. Tinanong ko kung ilang taon na siya. Sabi niya, dose anyos. Hindi na daw siya tumangkad kasi nagbibitbit daw siya ng kalakal. Ginagawa niya ang trabahong yun kapag gabi. Habang patuloy siyang nagkukuwento, nadama ko na lalo siyang naawa sa sarili niya. Kaya sinabi ko na lang na bibigyan ko siya ng pera. Pero huwag niyang gagamitin sa kung saan-saan. Ipambibili niya iyon ng pagkain nila.

Sumagot naman siya ng maayos na 'opo,' sabay tago nung pera sa bulsa niya. Akala ko, dun na matatapos yun. Kaya lang, napansin ko na may nakataling kung anong plastic sa binti niya. Tinanong ko kung ano yun. Sugat daw. Nabagsakan ng bakal na bitbit niya. Tiningnan ko. Medyo nagnanana na.

At dahil wala pa yung hinihintay kong kasama, sinabi ko na pumunta muna kami sa malapit na drugstore. Habang naglalakad, nakatingin sa kaniya yung kapwa niya nanlilimos at nabubuhay o naghahanap-buhay sa kalsada. Dun ko lang naramdaman ang panganib na kaakibat ng ganung buhay.

Sa loob ng drugstore, tinanong nung guwardiya kung kasama ko iyong bata. Sinabi ko, oo. Medyo abala nga sa akin kasi kagaya ng ibang mga bata, humahawak siya sa mga paninda. Pinagsabihan ko, katulad ng pagsasaway ko sa mga pinsan kong lalaki na nakababata sa akin.

Naglakad uli kami pabalik kung saan ko siya nakita. Sa aming paglalakad, ginamit ko ang pagkakataon upang sabihan siya na maligo araw-araw, maglaba ng damit kada linggo, magsuot ng tsinelas at huwag masyadong malikot sa kalsada - mga bagay na sinasabi ko sa mga pinsan ko kasi may pakialam ako sa kanila.

Tinanong ko din siya kung bakit di na siya nag-aaral. Wala daw kasing maghahanap ng pagkain nila. Sabi ko, kung makakapag-aral siya, mas madaming pagkain ang maiuuwi niya sa kanila. Ang sagot niya, "Wala na po. Yun. Yung mga kapatid ko, yun ang may mararating pa." Tumahimik na ako. Hindi ko siya masisi kung bakit naging ganun ang pananaw niya.

Nilinisan namin yung sugat niya. Pagkatapos namin mailagay yung band-aid, nagpaalam na siya. Inulit ko ulit yung mga bilin ko sa kaniya. Kasi kahit anong gamot dun sa sugat niya, kung hindi siya magsisikap na maglinis ng sarili, wala din.

Iyan din ang dahilan kaya hindi ako nagpapalimos. Kasi hindi ako naniniwala na nakatutulong ka sa pagbibigay-bigay ng mga iilang barya at konting pagkain. Kaya nagulat ako sa ginawa ko kay Henry.

Dahil sa pagkakataong iyon, wala na akong pakialam kung anong nasa isip niya o nasa isip ng mga tao sa paligid namin noong saglit kong pinakialaman ang buhay niya. Wala na din akong pag-aalala sa kung paano niya ginamit ang pera na binigay ko sa kaniya. Hindi na rin ako naghahanap ng garantiya na magbabago ang pananaw ng bata o susundin niya ang mga bilin ko sa kaniya.

Pero ito lang ang naintindihan ko: napalaya ako sa kaisipang lahat ng mga batang nanlilimos ay magaspang ang ugali at may dalang kapahamakan. Napalaya ako sa isang kaisipang nanghuhusga o nagmamaliit sa kakayanan nilang mag-isip ng kung ano ang pinakamabuti at pinakamainam sa kanila. At sana, napalaya ko din si Henry sa paniniwalang hanggang tira-tirang soft drink lang ang nababagay sa kanya.

Sa ikalalaya ng bawat batang Pilipino. Mabuhay ang kasarinlan ng Pilipinas.


12 Hunyo 2015
Siyudad ng Quezon,
Pilipinas

Three Reasons Why You Should Go to Guagua

I must admit: I would not have gone (or even think about going) to Guagua in Pampanga if not to fulfill a promise that I will visit a good friend and his wonderful mom.

But as an experiential traveler that I am, I always make the most out of my occasional wanderings. I don't just go to a place to check out its tourist spots (and have a photo with it so I can upload them on social media).

I go to a place to better understand it, its people, its history and the things that make it alive. In the process, I get to understand myself better as well. And that is what I got from my visit in Guagua.

I was transported to the 1940s!

 #1: Guagua, a small municipality that it is, is actually packed with so much history.
Blame it on our commercial view of development, but the elegant past of Guagua was hidden behind shops and other money-making establishments. Their municipal hall looks like a white, dull box which lobby is as equally uninviting. So I was really surprised (and thrilled) when I got to its second floor and saw this Commonwealth era interior with all these exquisite wooden chandeliers and ceiling! Photos of some illustrious leaders of the country who were natives of Guagua, like Pedro Gil, were shown. In fact, the house of the revolutionary writer Aurelio Tolentino is actually a few meters away from the municipal hall. It was a bit disappointing though that the house was not maintained as it is rightfully a local heritage.

As a visitor, those supposedly heritage landmarks have already spoken a lot to me about the active role and participation of Guagua in trade and public administration in the earlier times. So I was not surprised when my friend, Richard, told me that Guagua is known for its furniture-making and wood-carving industry. And I also now understand where Richard got his innate leadership abilities.

#2: RAZON'S! San Nicolas cookies and Turones de Casuy! :)
Pampanga is synonymous to good food. Breakfast started with (L-R) kalamay ube (rice pudding with yam), tibok-tibok (a pudding made with carabao's milk), and suman (sweet sticky rice wrapped in banana leaves).

Woke up to these local delicacies!

And of course, what is a visit to Guagua without eating at Razon's? I have always loved eating their palabok (noodle topped with pork crackling and thick red orange sauce made from seafood) and halo-halo (ice shaving with sweet banana, coconut meat and custard) combo in Manila. So I wanted to have an authentic experience of the famous delicacies right at its birthplace.

The food was relatively cheap as compared to the big city (which was awesome) but again, it was a shame that Razon's does not have an actual restaurant at its very hometown. With the prestige it has received in the national food industry, it should at least have been given a decent space in the town plaza and not in a tiny location alongside the street.

On a 40C day, lunch starts with halo-halo.

Following a Filipino tradition of pasalubong, I was brought by my friend and his mom to La Moderna Bakery, an old bakeshop that opened a few years after the Second World War. They got me the San Nicolas cookies and Turones de Casuy.

San Nicolas cookies reflect the religiosity of the people of Guagua. A typical cookie is molded into an image of the said saint, who was said to have been healed by a bread dipped in water. Turones de Casuy, on the other hand, is a nougat wrapped in rice paper. It seemed to be an adaptation of a Spanish candy-making tradition but this time, it was localized by wrapping it in an edible rice paper. Yes, those white wraps are edible. I tried them.

Pieces of Guagua to take home with me.

#3: Its fun-loving people. Again, if not for my friend Richard and his mom, Rose, I would not have set foot on Guagua. It was their positive energy that led me there and made my short visit to Guagua a more meaningful one.

"Dakal a salamat, Mamee Rose and Richard!" :)

Sentosa Island on Less than $20

One important factor that makes a place a good travel destination is that you don't have to spend a fortune for you to enjoy it. That is my goal when I visited Singapore. Besides, my main objective was to spend some quality and purposeful time with a very good friend who has settled there with her husband. Then again, what is a trip to Singapore without going to Sentosa?

Sentosa means “peace and tranquility” in Malay. And that is what I was set to discover.

From Vivo City, I paid $4 and took the Sentosa Express, the train line that goes to the island. There are three stations to choose from: the Waterfront, the Imbiah Lookout, and the Beach Station. I was initially planning to get off at the first station where the Universal Studios and Resorts World are located. But from the train, it seems that one has to purchase tickets just for you to get in. And I didn’t (or was not even planning to – haha).

  

We passed the second station and again from the train, it looks like a residential place. So I thought I’ll just get off at the last station and if I don’t like it, I can always take the train to other stations.

But it turned out to be the best decision for me. As soon as I got out of the Beach Station, I saw a tiny garden of Singapore orchids leading to the Merlion walk. I had always wanted to have my photo with a Merlion and that is on my checklist in Singapore. I followed the trail of a colorful, oddly shaped elongated pool (which looks more like a ceramic art to me) until I saw the biggest Merlion I have ever seen in my entire life!

The Sentosa Merlion happens to be the biggest Merlion in the whole of Singapore. It is directly facing the city of Singapore and is considered to be the city’s “guardian of prosperity.” It is the only Merlion that is open for exploration – for $12, you can ‘enter its body’ and take the ride up leading to its mouth. From there, you will experience a breathtaking view of the city of Singapore. Too bad I came in a bit early for its opening, which is at 10AM.

From the Merlion’s 'foot', I saw people gathering around huge blocks of letters forming the word ‘Sentosa’ and having their photos taken there. I waited for them to finish and asked one of them to take a photo of me. A proof that I was on the island with the giant Merlion on the back: Solved. Haha.

With still some time to spare, I took three escalator flights up and found myself in the Imbiah Lookout. There, I saw the Tiger Sky Tower and a machine which allows you to press your own souvenir penny for only $2. I was not in the mood for a nauseating ride so I tried my hand on the latter.

Then I walked further and saw the Nature Discovery Centre. It was a small, two-storey space, which features the floral and fauna of Sentosa and the efforts undertaken in developing this island with consideration for the environment. It was nothing fancy but the place was serene. I wasn't surprised that there weren't much people there. The sounds of the crickets amidst those trees just almost made me cry. I was away from the theme parks, the shopping centers, and the gastos that is travelling - and I loved it.

In that moment, I could say that I had truly experienced Sentosa Island. That was priceless. 

A view from the Imbiah Lookout

I planned to walk further to the beaches and have my breakfast there. But I did not have much time since I am meeting a friend back in the city. Instead, I just had my traditional kaya toast and kopi (for $7.10) near the train station that will take me back to the city.

What a better way to end my morning trip in Sentosa.

Total expenses: $13.10 (the train from the island back to the city is FREE!)
But I don't feel I missed out on what Sentosa has to offer. Instead, I felt I actually discovered what Sentosa claims itself to be: a place away from the busy city; a place of "peace and tranquility."

Click here for more photos.

Lessons From My 60-Year Old Mother

I went on Skype with Nanay (mother) after her "surprise"* birthday celebration the other day. She was so happy - a picture of a content woman at 60 because of all the recognition, affirmation, gratitude and love that she received that day. She told me that this was one of the only two "birthday parties" she ever had in her entire life. (She usually stops us whenever we organize a party for her because she thinks it's a waste of money.)

Nanay started in life with so much hardships and she often feels regretful for not being able to do more. She's also not as affectionate as Tatay (father) because her life circumstances shaped her to exhibit toughness and independence. But Nanay dreamt anyway. Nanay loved anyway - in ways she knows how.

Nanay is self-sacrificial. She thinks of others first before herself. She even decided to give the money that was supposed to be used for her birthday party last Sunday to a relative who was recently widowed and has a sick son. She cares a lot - too much that it often feels that she's meddling in other people's lives. But she can't help it.

And this Sunday culminated all the inconveniences, hurts, awkwardness, misunderstandings and all the negativities that come with loving others. Amazingly, however, what she experienced on her birthday party was anything but that. That is what the love of God can do to a person.

Because really, with all that Nanay had gone through, I am in awe at her ability to love nevertheless. And I know, she knows - she tells me that a lot - that it is the love of God that compels her. All these messages from family, relatives, friends, and the church confirm an irrefutable truth that has been shouting at me for the last two years now: Love wins.

Nanay may not have much money nor the prestige or position a woman of her skills and wit can achieve. Her children are neither perfect. Although there's nothing wrong with having much money, prestige, beautiful children. It would be awesome to have the best things in life and be loved by those you love as well.

But that time, while I was talking to her, I believe several times, in those 60 years, she had to make a choice. And I am soooo glad she had been choosing well.

And while she may not always choose well (she's not perfect!), she believes anyway. She trusts and hopes for the best anyway. And isn't that what love is all about (1 Corinthians 13)?

Happy 60th birthday, Nanay. Thank you for teaching me the most valuable lesson of all.

Nanay at Kalanggaman Island, Leyte (December 2012)

*My mom has a strong intuitive sense. It's actually difficult to keep secrets from her.

The Better Way

Any time is a time to love – no matter how embarrassing, uncertain, questionable, risky, and potentially controversial it might be. This is what I powerfully learned today as I gave my pasalubong or ‘welcome gift’ to Phil, my professor in Urbanisation last year.

Early on in my first few weeks in New Zealand, I was told not to get Phil as a professor. They say he is strict, cold, and distant. But the adventurous in me told me to take the risk. I had one similar professor in my undergraduate years and being in his class turned out to be a fulfilling and rewarding experience for me. So I gave it a go.

During the first lectures, it is easier to judge Phil as a cold, unloving, white, middle-aged man because of his pragmatism and penchant for line graphs and quantitative analysis. He is also not quite generous with grades. But beyond those seemingly straightforward lectures and discussions, Phil’s passion and dedication for what he does and how he sets the bar of excellence for postgraduate students really stand out.

After coming back from my field work in the Philippines, I already set it in my mind to buy some Filipino tokens for my friends in Wellington. And Phil is among those in my list. But it took me almost a month to give it to him because it was either he is away or is attending to some students. Also, whenever I am about to give the gift to him, I am presented with self-doubts on whether it is appropriate or even ethical to give gifts to your professor in New Zealand.

This afternoon, I bravely decided to show my appreciation and love when I received an email from the head of school about the death of his son-in-law. I said to myself, ‘There could be no better time to do it than now.’ So I knocked at his office and waited for a few moments as he was on a phone call. Then I gave the gift to him and he received it very warmly. We had a few talks on where I am in my thesis. Then I disclosed my dilemma on the appropriateness of my gesture and he told me, ‘This is actually something that is slowly diminishing now in New Zealand. But for me, the more the better!’ So I also said, ‘If they were to ask me, any time is a good time to show your appreciation.’ Then he gave me a tight hug.

I was still a bit shaky and nervous as I left his office – which is what I usually feel whenever I talk to him. He’s such a good and critical listener, which makes me very mindful of what I say to him. But this has taught me a lot about what real love is – it requires courage. One has to be brave enough to abandon his or her self just to be of service to others. 

"If you only love the people who love you, you will get no reward… And if you are nice only to your friends, you are no better than other people. Even those who don’t know God are nice to their friends. In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.” (Matthew 5:43-48, NCV and MSG)

And even if my professor took it differently, I would still love anyway. After all, there is no better way.

26 August 2014
Victoria University of Wellington
New Zealand