A Boy and His Toy

24 June 2014
Lola Elena's home
Tinabilan, Palompon, Leyte


Yesterday, I was preparing to go to town to do some errands and buy some food. But Ivan, our child neighbor, had been frantically crying from their house. It was so loud I can hear it from my room.

Ivan lives with his widowed mother and two sisters. But that time, he was left only with his younger sister. Ever since his father died, his mother usually leaves them all by themselves because she had to work at the town. That morning, Ivan was calling his mom and was just crying incessantly.

As I dressed, I was pained by the shrill sounds he made. For minutes, no one attended to him. I would have wanted to turn a deaf ear to what I hear. I have a lot of things to do. And I know that if I will allow myself to be bothered, I will really be bothered. But his house and my grandmother's are too close, it is only separated by a wall. I cannot deny that a child was crying. So I asked one of my grandmother's companions of what could be happening at our neighbor's house. She said that probably Ivan's older sister caused him to cry - you know, what siblings usually do to each other.

So I tried not to mind Ivan and convinced myself that it was just some petty children's feud. But Ivan just kept on crying. So I finally went to their house and asked his sister (who is probably just only nine years old - too young to look after her own brother) what happened. It turned out, their other sister purposefully hid Ivan's new toy because she was not given a new one the other day.

Then it suddenly hit me that this is not just your typical 'children's fight.' And this is NOT how siblings should be usually treating each other.

It's easy to condemn and get angry at whoever when we hear news of injustice, oppression, and greed. But do we even do something about it when we see it happening in our own homes or our neighbor's? While it's admirable that we think of the "others," let us be mindful: humanity starts at home. Hence, all humanitarian work should start at home.

Despite my and my grandmother's small talks with Ivan, he kept on crying. I can see how he felt powerless over his older sister's ill treatment of him that morning. Just so that I could go ahead, I offered to bring Ivan cupcakes if he stops crying and gets some rest. We were already worried that he might get headaches because he was crying long enough.

At the town, I told myself I should not have bothered. The children might grow too fond of me and that I would feel responsible for children who are not my own. I saw how they would often ask for food from my grandmother because their mother didn't leave them enough. I was afraid they would ask for more.

But when Ivan gave me that smile when he saw me after he finished the cupcakes (which only costed me a dollar), I was glad I bothered. I was glad I cared. And if he cries again and I would be compelled to give him another round of cupcakes, I am hopeful that I have left to a young boy a lasting impression that he should not be treated badly simply because his dad died a little too soon.

That Home*

Even Google knows I am home!

Mother's Day 2014
At home, Pasig, Philippines


The fifteen months that passed felt like a dream once I smelled and felt the humid air of Manila.

Things look a lot darker, with more clutter here at home. Honestly, I felt bad I had allowed myself and my family to believe we are living in a better condition.

Yet, waking up to the familiar music my Tatay (father) makes when he's asleep (otherwise known as 'snoring,' which was lullaby to me last night) and snuggling with my Nanay (mother), I knew this is so much better than waking up alone in a cold, dark morning in Wellington. No matter how chaotic and 'underdeveloped' this abode looks to me now, this is home.

This is who I am: a daughter of a middle-class Filipino family who finds riches in her relationship with her loved ones. This is my wealth: the bits and pieces of what may seem like rubbish to the developed world - for this signifies we are slowly putting things together and that we make sense of the small things that we have. This is my world: of mango trees all in full-bloom, the chirping of the birds, and the crowing of the rooster - for that means a long day of hard work is about to start.

As the sun breaks in against the ashy sky at 5:30 in the morning, I am convinced that the sun does shine brighter - in all the sense of the phrase - in this part of the world I call 'home.'

________________________
*Inspired by a song of the same title, (C) 2013 Newsboys, Inc. under exclusive license to Sparrow Records

Black Out

When I felt that excruciating and unbearable pain in my lower abdomen and lower back, I knew I had to go home. I packed my stuff in my bag, turned off my computer and thought it best to go to the toilet before heading to the bus stop. Fatimah, my Saudi Arabian colleague, saw me and asked me if I am okay. She said I look ill. She was right.

I was beginning to feel dizzy and it was becoming difficult to breathe. So I decided to get out of the toilet and go back to my room where I could sit down. I saw Fatimah running behind me as I struggled to slot in the key to open my room. My hands were shaking. After a few seconds, all I can remember was that I was on my knees as Fatimah gasped, trying to catch me as I unconsciously fall down to the floor.

I can hear other postgraduate students - Gina, Pedram, Anna, and Kelly - who were trying to wake me up. I can hear them asking me to open my eyes and to stay awake, which I tried with much effort. I was lying on Fatimah's arms and I can feel her body shaking as I hear her say, "I am scared." She asked for water and wiped them on my cheeks. Since I was still not fully conscious, she then asked for her perfume, put some on her head scarf and placed it on my nose. That finally woke me up. The first words I muttered were: "What happened?" They were all looking at each other as one replied, "Arla, you just fainted."

It took 20 minutes for the ambulance to arrive. Pretty long for an emergency response. But I couldn't complain. As they transferred me to a couch in one of the postgraduate rooms, I remember that when the same situation happened to me two years ago, no one thought of calling the ambulance. Instead, there were two big soldiers carrying me as the office driver (my 'Fatimah' that time) drove me to the nearest hospital inside the military camp where I worked.

Never have imagined I would use this service during my stay here in Wellington.

Two similar situations, one deadly reason: I was trying to play 'God' again.
A few days back, I knew I had to slow down. But whenever I would shut myself from my daily routine, I would find myself thinking of the so many things I wish I could do and could've done.

Isaiah 30:15 says, "This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.'"

Oftentimes, we try to run so fast and so strong. We try to run after so many things to give meaning to ourselves and others. But instead of finding answers, we find ourselves wanting more control so we can manipulate our realities until we become so insecure of ourselves because we realize we can only do so much. For others, the answer is simple: just give up. And once the chasing ends, both those who insisted and those who called it quits will find that in the secret, darkest place of their being is an eerie reality of nothingness. A total black out.

We can fill our lives with accomplishments, relationships, fat bank accounts, good works, and even religion (or the none of it). Or we can trust God and enter into His rest.

I am not saying that idleness is a better choice. But whenever we trust in our own capacities, when we go astray in our hearts from what God is telling us to do, when we harden our hearts to what He is saying to us, we will never know His ways, which are always the better way. No wonder, a lot of us struggle and feel like pushing a big rock that never moved. We keep on pushing and are unable to enter rest because we do not believe what God can do for and on behalf of us.

I ended up not working for the next two weeks. Some of my schedules were a little bit behind my timeline but I am still fine. In fact, I never felt more relieved. For I know that, whether in the mountains and the valleys of my being, God is with and before me. There are no black-outs, no dead-ends. Only better and brighter days ahead.

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty-Five (Part 7)

It's way past my "official" first anniversary in New Zealand. Yet, I haven't given the final item for my reflective blog series which I started two weeks ago. I didn't know it could be daunting to think of an object that would encapsulate an experience that is so big, ever-present, all-knowing yet gentle and assuring in so many ways.

I am talking about experiencing God in a whole new way here in NZ.

#10: The BIBLE

Food for the eyes, the body, and the soul.

Along with my 'valuable' items such as my worn-out old rose netbook, wallet, mobile phone and passport, I made sure that my Bible is in my hand-carry luggage on my way to NZ. Never mind if I lose my checked-in bag full of clothes as long as I have that good book with me on my first night away from home. That is how important my relationship with God is to me. And I think I am doing myself a disservice if I don't include Him in giving meaning to my one year here in NZ.

To begin with, going to a different country where you don't know anyone at all is a step of faith in itself. I admire the courage of the millions of Filipinos who immigrated to seek 'better opportunities' for their families and themselves. This is like having a clean slate and a fresh new start. But we all know that not everyone gets to have clean and fresh endings as well. If statistics and countless stories about the plight of Filipino migrants are to be taken, more have actually become worse after leaving the country.

This is where the importance of having an active - rather than a passive - faith, which is rooted in a living and growing relationship with God comes in. I mean, if you are in a new place, far from the unwritten restrictions that come with home-grown relationships, this 'new-found' freedom may appear to you as a license to do anything you want without regard for your loved ones back home -- who knew you before you left. And believe me, in a first-world country like NZ, it is easy to get carried away.

While I take into account the values of discipline, hard work, determination, and all those good ingredients for success, I think it all still comes down to one's worldview: What and how you think becomes your destiny. Because really, how can you keep the excitement of the first few months burning until the end of the year unless you are holding firmly onto something beyond what you can see? If I believe that there is God and that humans are meant to take in the same virtues of God (such as love and respect) because they are created in God's image, then it will be seen in my daily actions and decisions. Now, I am not saying that everything about my one year here in NZ was blameless. But that whenever I am presented with situations that would go against that truth, which will eventually ruin me in the long run, I step back and go to the Word.

Best birthday gift for 2013: A praying family. :)

And that just gives me clarity of purpose for why I am here and even encouragement that will strengthen my resolve to finish what I started here successfully. Words like "No one whose hope is in the Lord will ever be put to shame" (Psalm 25:3) or "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not need a thing" (Psalm 23:1) have been more than just Biblical verses but promises that have proven true in my life here.

Moreover, in my 365 days here, there were countless times that I just feel alone, despite having very good friends here (and granted that it is not readily obvious whenever I feel sad). The Word of God has been a source of comfort and security that no amount of shopping or exploring or endless eating/chatting with friends can give. Because really, it can get tiring. And there are times that you would just want to retreat and be at peace with yourself. But in a gloomy, overcast world that is Wellington, it is hard to just be alone. Various thoughts raging from silly to scary can come into your head. So what do I feed my mind with during those moments that I need to be quiet? Yep, the Word of God.

So as I bring this series to a close, I choose to give back all the glory to Him who has made my dreams come true. I choose to thank Him for bringing me here and for sustaining me for 365 days and more. I choose to recognize Him, for in those numerous moments that my perceptions of realities, wherein I hinged my judgment of what is right and true for me, are questioned and that I doubt even myself, "every word of (Him) is flawless; He is the shield that I run to" (Proverbs 30:5).

Thank you, Father, for all good things come from you. 








"God's word is alive and working and is sharper than a double-edged sword..." - Hebrews 4:12
"Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life." - Proverbs 4:23

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty-Five (Part 6)

Exactly three hundred and sixty-five days ago, I was on my first-ever international flight alone to a country I have never imagined going to. This is so I could fulfill a dream that I have long and silently kept in my heart: getting a postgraduate degree abroad.

For someone who comes from a middle-income family and whose job is just enough to support our household and allow for a reasonable amount of savings, getting a postgraduate degree in another country is a long shot. No matter how hard I work, I knew I would not be able to save enough money to afford it. Hence, going back to the university and becoming a student once again (through the scholarship) were among the most defining things in my one year in New Zealand.

#7: THE UNIVERSITY

Victoria University of Wellington:
Blending in to more than a century of learning!

Anyone who knows me well understand my deep love and faith in our country, including its state universities. The talent and intellectual brilliance of our people make up for the lack in material and financial resources for what could be among the brightest academic institutions in Asia. So why bother studying postgraduate degree abroad when our university back home can give you that?

While others may quickly point to the promise of a gigantic leap in 'professional growth' (which is likely), this is not my main reason for studying outside the country. I have always believed that learning is highly contextual. The information you are given with is couched in a very dynamic political, social, and cultural intricacies that shape how you see and interpret the world. After being subjected to the Philippine educational system (although highly influenced by the Americans) for a good 17 years, I guess it's time to experience a different perspective and hopefully, through it, I will be able to see new possibilities. 

Possibilities. This is what my one year education in Victoria University of Wellington (VUW) has taught me. Keeping to the standards of being New Zealand's top-ranked university in research quality for 2013, I had to change the way I was taught to write. Instead of narrating my way to an argument, I had to start my papers with clear thesis statements. I had to concur, reject, support or refute ideas instead of just merely suggesting them. And unlike back home where there are 'right or wrong' answers, students here are only given the 'whats' so they can figure out for themselves the 'what ifs.'


It really helps to have open and accepting people
like them when you are in a foreign school.

Of course, for you to be able to change the way you write, you first need to change the way you think. This is also another thing I appreciate about studying abroad. VUW is host to international students from over 100 countries. Imagine interacting with a rich, highly-diverse and uniquely creative minds from all walks of life in a learning tradition that started more than a century ago. Truly, this has challenged and stretched me and my long-held beliefs (not to mention having to interact in the English language all throughout). I was exposed to worlds different from my own and because of that, I was braver to visualize a different Philippines.

My preconceptions and perceptions about the 'Westerners' have likewise evolved throughout the process. As I get to know them better (in class and during all-nighters in the postgraduate computer lab, cramming a paper - haha), I realized that they are not so much different from me. While cultural assumptions are still at work, I discovered that it all boils down to the Golden Rule: respect to be respected; love to be loved, and; most importantly, smile to be smiled at.

#8: (Living in a) FLAT

This was home during my first ten months in NZ.

Another wonderful thing that happened to me this year was to experience living in a student accommodation. When I was doing my undergraduate degree back home, our house was a 20-minute drive away from the university. So I never get to experience living with other students in a 'dorm' or a rented private house.

Although my two accommodations here in NZ have been under the university administration, it is still considered as 'flatting.' Flatting, or living in a flat, is renting a private room or a house and sharing the space with other tenants. In my case, I got to live with people I barely know and had to adjust to their ways and habits. I am fortunate because all of my flatmates have been very nice, responsible and easy to get along with (and by that I mean they are not heavy drinkers or smokers, they pay their rent on time, and are not grossly messy). Of course, we have our different standards of what is appropriate and clean, but at least, we communicate and everyone cooperates - two very important values in any relationship, whether among similar or different cultures.

Make-up session with Hailie (left) and Silati (right)

As a matter of fact, my first two flatmates, Silati (who is from Tuvalu, a country in the Pacific which I have never heard before) and Hailie (who is from Vietnam), have become like sisters to me. I lived with them for nine months and you could just imagine the bond that developed from being able to see them from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed. Talk about really close encounter with cultures.


#9: FOOD (a smorgasbord on a budget!)

Sunday market: Wellington's version of our Divisioria.
Cheaper fruits and veggies.

Another important cultural aspect, food has definitely characterized my one year here in NZ. With the independence and freedom of living on your own, I was on a food adventure trying out stuff that we don't have back home while keeping to my budget. (Yes, living on a budget is very important for students, especially those under scholarship. We don't really receive much, especially once the flat rent is taken out from your stipend. Housing here in NZ is ridiculously expensive - like $200/week for a decent room!) I actually do not know how many dishes I have created or modified (recipes from the Internet) just to be able to make use of whatever is in my pantry and to obey what I feel like eating that day.

Truly Asian: taking photos before eating! :)

But since I study in a multicultural environment, foremost in my very own flat, I also get to taste food I only see in travel shows (and some that I haven't even heard of). Nothing beats having authentic Vietnamese, Indonesian or Cambodian food with (and prepared by!) the very people from those countries themselves. Just think of the conversations spurring from that. Who needs an almanac or 'The Lonely Planet' now?

During those times, I would realize that the reason I wanted to study abroad is that I just don't want to know; I want to learn. And by that, I need to be open and vulnerable to things I thought I 'knew.' For until I know, I think there is no more reason for me to go back to the university and learn.

For my classmates and friends from the VUW's Development Studies department. :)

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty-Five (Part 5)

We are halfway through this recollection of my first year here in New Zealand. Several days ago, I started writing to remember and give meaning to what has been one of the biggest decisions I have made in my life to date: leaving the Philippines.

As someone whose father is among the first influx of Filipino seamen in the 1970s who practically circumnavigated the world, I have learned - ironically through him - how to love my own country deeply. Although his photos and pasalubong would testify how better-looking some other countries were at that time, he would always affirm that there is nothing more beautiful than your own beloved land.

Hence, this recollection series would not be complete without mentioning how my life in another country has made me love my own more.

#6: FILIPINIANA (Philippine National Costume)

Still singing: At the 114th
Philippine Independence Day celebration

I have never worn my Filipiniana as often as I did last year. In fact, three hundred sixty-five days ago, at this very hour of writing, I was wearing the same Filipiniana for my last public performance before leaving the Philippines. It was to sing the theme song of a new travel show called "Kahanga-hangang Pilipinas" ("Amazing Philippines"). And it is just equally amazing that my first public performance here in Wellington was to sing the same song and mightily represent my country during the 2013 Southeast Asian Night Market!

Actually, this journey of my being an unofficial singing cultural attache started out on my second day here in Wellington. That's right. Funny how I envisioned myself to be low-key and to just hide in the library or quietly do my postponed and unfinished writing projects before leaving. But I think that's not the plan of the Lord for bringing me here. He wants me to instead shine, enlarge the place of my tent, and be a blessing to more people through this gift of singing.

Prior to coming here, I was thrilled to learn that the Philippine Embassy - New Zealand is just a few blocks away from my university accommodation. You see, I have never been to a different country on my own. My closest relative, which is my cousin, is in Auckland. And for first-time lone migrants like me, albeit temporary, the first and important thing is to establish a network of people you can connect with. They determine the reach and the depth of your stay in a different country. Hence, it was really a blessing from the Lord that, before leaving, I was endorsed by my previous boss to the Philippine Ambassador to NZ herself, Madame Virginia Benavidez.

Ambassador-slash-talent manager-slash-official mother

In fact, my very first itinerary in NZ, the day after arriving, was a courtesy call to the Madame Ambassador. It was my first time to actually come face-to-face with a highest-ranking diplomat so I prepared myself well. But I was surprised that Ambassador Benavidez is not your stereotypical envoy: she is warm, engaging, and attentive. That prodded me to talk about what I do back home, including singing. When I showed her the video of my last singing event in the Philippines, she became very excited. It turned out, she had been looking for someone to perform for the 2013 Southeast Asian Night Market! I made my 'debut performance' at Ang Bahay, the ambassador's residence, three days after I first met her and from then on, she proudly refers to herself as my "talent manager" (because she was the one who "discovered" me here!).

Doing my share in the 2013 local elections

That started my rather 'deep' involvement in various activities for and within the Filipino communities here. I even experienced counting ballots for absentee voting wherein I tallied over 600+ votes from 11PM to 2PM the next day! That elevated my respect for our teachers and COMELEC officers in the voting precincts to the roof.

More importantly, through the Philippine Embassy, I also got to meet a lot of Filipino migrants, among whom have been in NZ for the last 30 years. It is enlightening to hear their stories because they somehow have the same cultural background as yours against which they see and live in their new home. It becomes easier for me to ease into a new culture because of their stories.

What I appreciate most in Wellington is that, since the city is relatively small, the Filipino community here is pretty united. I saw this during their response to Typhoon Haiyan. While we never ran out of power struggle/politics, personality and character issues, and Filipinos who talk badly about their own people as if they were never one of them, I saw that there are still a good number that consider the best interests of the Philippines because it is still 'home.' I appreciated those that nevertheless try to incorporate the Filipino culture and language in their rather foreign homes. And I am still amazed at how some teenagers and young professionals, who practically grew up here, can still speak straight (and I mean without the Kiwi accent) Tagalog!

Filipino youth to the rescue: Typhoon Haiyan street appeal

And these are the people I chose to hang out with. It's wonderful because you will receive several invitations to lunch or dinner at their places. They would open their homes to you and even make you a part of their family. There are times that you just become exhausted of negotiating your identity with a new culture and that you just needed some time to share your own culture with. In practical terms, there are times I am just too tired to speak another English word or eat another slice of pizza. I wanted to laugh at Filipino jokes and eat my adobo. This is why, I find it irritating when some Filipino migrants would unwittingly talk against their own country because really, even if you have your new citizenship, you can never take away your being Filipino. If one would see it in another way, it might be that your rather unfortunate experience back home has made you the kind of person that you are, which might be useful in the new country that you are in. So why always blame and complain about the Philippines?

Can't imagine spending my first Christmas away from home
without you guys!

But to those who quietly and humbly work hard, doing their own little but significant ways in making their lives and those around them better - whether as (and for) a Kiwi or a Filipino - to them I give out my snappy salute. For them, I am going back home with a renewed passion to better my people because I know, in this part of the world, a fellow Filipino is doing the same.

Big love to my Filipino family here in New Zealand! :) (P.S. I really wish to show more photos of other Filipinos friends but that's gonna be an entire blog altogether.)

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty-Five (Part 4)

Retracing my one year here in New Zealand would not be complete without talking about its natural terrains. My new habitat may fall short of the beautiful beaches that we have back home, but it has hills, parks, and walking tracks that are free and VERY accessible to all.

Hence, this fourth part of my blog series will be all about that concerning the wandering and the walking that has been my life here in New Zealand.

#5: WALKING SHOES


Ain't no mountain high enough?

Before leaving the Philippines, I was told by a missionary who lived in NZ that Wellington is really a hilly city. Despite of that, and probably because of the cold weather, people here love to walk nevertheless. So, I made sure to come with a good pair of walking shoes.

However, this pair only lasted for nine months. That is how I enjoyed walking here! (I once did a crazy 5-hour walk, which resulted in a swollen ankle. But the scenery and the sense of accomplishment were all worth it.) I could say that my love for walking and wandering was reignited here in NZ.

In fact, the addresses of my previous and current flats (the term they use for their housing here) have the word 'terrace' on it. And true to its name, these streets have forced me to walk uphill to uni and back for almost a year.

But what is there not to like about walking here in NZ? Fresh air, clean and green scenery, and friendly fellow walkers who will greet you as they meet you along the way. Besides, the walking tracks are very accessible and well-organized - they even have decent public toilets! Particularly in Wellington, walking has become incorporated in the city life that the city council designed a walking path which will allow you to explore the city by foot. This is called the City to Sea Walkway. It's a 12-km walk that takes around 6-7 hours but it can be done in stages. I have tried some stages but haven't finished the entire path yet.


Who wouldn't dare go crazy if only
to personally see and feel this?

Oftentimes, in my walks, I silently wish that the Philippines has the same. I think most of the problems we have within our homes and offices can be solved with people having the available option to go for walks and breathe some fresh air. It does really make a lot of difference.

If I were to have it my own way, I would go for walks every week or even during lunch breaks. But how can I do that when the nearest walking treks would be an hour (minus the traffic) away? And if there are pathways around, it would be amid smog and shopping centers, making you want to stay more in your office desk. Less expenses.

This is because to an extent, we are somehow defined by the place we are in. Here in New Zealand, I feel free and safe wherever and whatever time I walk. I don't have to think about kidnappers or pickpockets or communist rebels hiding in the bush. I find that people are more trusting of one another - even leaving their kids, as young as three, wandering around open parks or just go tramping (or what we call 'hiking') with them. Back home, kids are overly guarded and are even prevented to get out of their backyards or houses. Pushing it further, I would blame my being lethargic to growing up in this paranoid environment. Instead of being encouraged to discover and explore, you will first be warned. It should be the other way around.

And how can we reinforce the value of loving the environment if we don't get to be one with it? Again, I could say that my love for the nature and the animals was strengthened because I got to personally experience, interact and learn more about them here in NZ. In fact, today, I just stopped to pick up a very tiny hatchling (a duckling) I saw freezing on the streets on my way to the university, which I would otherwise ignore if I am walking in the streets of Quezon City.


Glittery boots: you know it's Asian! :p

I am not saying that there aren't bad people and that everything is so perfect and paradise-like in NZ(because they can really get drunk here and you wouldn't want to find yourself walking alone in town on a Friday or a Saturday night). But what I am saying is that it would do us a big help if we could prioritize our walkways, parks, natural gardens - especially within our cities.

Then, we could make use more of our well-loved tsinelas or what they call here as 'jandals.' From the words Japanese + sandals, this term was coined by one New Zealander who was impressed with the footwear of the Japanese swimming team that came to his country many decades ago.

And, if we have better walkways in the cities, that might just 'legitimize,' at least aesthetically, the wearing of boots - no matter how hot and humid it can get back home. :) 

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty-Five (Part 3)

Three days ago, I started retracing my almost 365 days here in New Zealand. I talked about my main reason for leaving the Philippines, which is the NZ ASEAN Scholarship, and the top two things that help me overcome homesickness.

Since another strong earthquake (magnitude 6.3, depth of 27km) struck yesterday, I decided to talk about my "natural habitat," which I have become accustomed to over the year. However, I will not write about earthquakes since I already wrote about my first big earthquake experience here. Undoubtedly, it had a huge impact on what I deemed are most important to me and it made me realize how unprepared and ignorant I am for my own survival! (Except for the emergency bag, I still feel I lack the necessary life skills during times of disaster. That's another project for this new year, I think.)

So for this blog entry and the next, I will focus on the less demanding and easier features of how I deal with my new habitat.

# 4: SCARVES, COATS, AND OTHER WINTER CLOTHES

Aside from taking a selfie at the uni's toilet,
I hoped I look like a student in this white jersey.

At this same date last year, I was shopping for t-shirts and long-sleeve shirts with my sister. I aimed for a casual look in New Zealand as I was really looking forward to be a 'student' again. Besides, it is a wonderful opportunity for me to dress down after several years of trying to look 'professional' at work.

Obviously, this plan failed. With the nippy winds from the Antarctic that get into your bones, called the southerlies, which can also sometimes blow with a gust of 120km/h, I was only able to use my tees for the first two months. I ended up wearing the thermals I bought from Kathmandu and all my thick clothes, one on of top of another, for almost an entire year.

And this is exactly what I hated about cold weather: I feel heavy with all the layers of my clothes! Even back home, I am used to just wearing t-shirt and jeans. I find putting on layers of clothes, even bringing coats or jackets with me, too much of a hassle. But here I am, trying to dress like the Romans because I am in Rome.

Trying a new scarf style:
the European Loop

And while most people back home enjoyed - and even get excited - about having to wear winter clothes, I was not one of them. A cousin-in-law gave me bright-colored coats because I told her that 90% of the people here in Wellington wear black and gray. She probably got a little excited. Can you just imagine how I shine with an apple green coat when I walk in the city's business district?

Once, while walking home late at night, a fashionable gay with an afro hair gave me a second look when he walked past through me. He was probably 'amused' at my coat that he even suspended the phone call he was about to make (while walking) just to say: "Oooh, purple coat! I LOVE IT!" It was so random that I just didn't have time to talk back.

My new habitat also demanded that I learn new things, like putting on scarves and beanies (also called 'bonnets' back home). My Vietnamese flatmate, Hailie, had to teach me the European Loop, which is a lot tighter and thus provides better protection for your neck. Apparently, I only know of the style that you just loop the scarf around your neck and loosen it a little to allow air to pass through. Why would you do a European Loop at the tropics, anyway? (For those interested, here is a helpful video posted by a fellow scholar from Christchurch to show 25 different ways of wearing a scarf.)

All geared up to brave
through Wellington's elements!

I also never wore rain jackets as often as I did here. But umbrellas are useless in Wellington winds. So I had to buy one, which costed $99, one of the cheapest 'storm jackets' around. It has a hood big enough to cover half of your face (in the photo) as the direction of the rains can go anywhere because of the winds. It also has a lining garment underneath, which insulates your body temperature. On worst days, I would put this jacket on top of two thick layers of clothing. And honestly, I feel like an astronaut on those.

While this may sound trivial for some, these tiny changes in outfit have caused major adjustments for me. The beanie, for example, is associated with rappers and hip-hop followers on my part of the world (not necessarily the Philippines - I have my own world at times). So, it was a little difficult for me to look at the mirror and appreciate my face with a beanie on top of it.

Wellington is a very wet city and it didn't help that I am at my worst during rainy days. Because of my weird stride, I have the tendency to soil my pants easily. I also feel queasy whenever I get wet. Back home, coming to work all wet is embarrassing. Never mind that you go daily to the office with your wet hair as long as your clothes are ironed and dry. Weird.

I still feel uncomfortable wearing beanies.
I look like a Smurf - a gangsta Smurf. :))

But living in New Zealand for almost a year had taught me to just deal with it. It has freed me from the stresses I foolishly put on myself because no one really cares - not in the sense of the fashionable gay who greeted me, because really, we still need to look good. But as long as you are clean and comfortable (that is, prepared for the weather of the day), you look fine. 

I wouldn't say that New Zealand doesn't have those people who would rather look cool and be cold. Oh, they've got heaps, especially among the younger ones. But no, thank you. I prefer staying warm - and bright. Haha.

P.S. I'll talk about the footwear - the boots, the 'jandals' (what jandals??), and all that smelly stuff tomorrow!

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty-Five (Part 2)

Yesterday, I started an effort to give meaning to my one year here in New Zealand. Since I began writing ten days before my 'official anniversary,' I thought of highlighting ten things (in no particular order) that defined my twelve months here. The first item was the NZ ASEAN Scholarship, which was really the main reason why I left the Philippines (read here). Now, the next items are those that make me feel like I never left.

#2: FACEBOOK

It is funny that my family are the ones who sometimes
get tired of video chatting with me!

I have never been so hooked on Facebook until I arrived here in NZ. From the moment I wake up (before I put on my make-up?) up until I go to bed, I check on my Facebook account. I even subscribed to a local telecom's mobile data so I can always be online. It has become a necessity, most especially whenever I travel, that I feel insecure when there is no telecom service in some areas; hence, no internet connection.

In fact, one of my concerns before arriving to NZ was how to stay online. I heard that the internet here is not as reliable and fast as in the Philippines. It turns out, it is just more expensive. Thank God, there is free, unlimited WiFi at uni and my accommodation!

A fellow scholar and good friend once remarked that if he wants to know what's going on with my life, he doesn't need to call or meet up with me. He'll just simply browse over my Facebook account. And that is exactly what I intended. In a way, this has been an accountability tool for me. I want my life away from home to be adequately open and transparent to the people I left behind - people that knew me before I got here. 

I don't know with other people, but I consider my Facebook Wall as a representation of who I am. Hence, I don't just post stuff without thinking carefully. I recognize that a lot of people see and are influenced by what I present them (or the absence of it). They weigh what they see or read. And those that mean well can even read the 'trends' of where you're heading to.

It doesn't necessarily mean that I base my life on their approval. But it helps to just have some home-based eyes to see what you fail to see because you've been living in a certain world for quite some time.

#3: INTERNET RADIO (Tune-In)

What's on my favorites?

Music has always been a significant part of my being and learning. Some songs actually denote times, seasons, and memories. So, having this internet radio on my phone was such a big help in keeping me rooted.

I was particularly happiest when I saw that 702 DZAS, the Filipino Christian radio station I often listen to back home, is in the selection. There is just something wonderful about hearing familiar voices who are speaking your own dialect and songs or messages that have been a source of encouragement to you.

In fact, I never realized the great value of a radio ministry until I had to need it. There was one season last year, I think during winter, that I had turned this on as soon as I got out of bed. It pumped me up into the day - especially on a week of non-stop rains. On the other hand, I would keep this up at nights so I can be lulled to sleep. That makes me feel like I am just in my own bedroom.

Until the internet connection fluctuates or is out of the telecom's coverage area. Then, I am again confronted with the offline reality: I did leave home. :(

Ten to Three Hundred Sixty Five (Part 1)

It's been 355 days since I left the Philippines to pursue a postgraduate degree in New Zealand under a scholarship program (for those interested in the scholarship, see here). Ten more days, and if I were the earth, I would have already completed my orbit around the sun.

So what? Just like the earth, it happens every year: many Filipinos around the world have successfully completed their postgraduate degrees in a foreign country. How then could this journey be different?

In a university graduation speech, the Philippines' chief finance officer said that "working hard and having fun are nothing if you do not dare to give your life meaning." Hence, I bravely embark on this ten-day series of self-discovery by giving meaning to top ten things that defined my first orbit life in New Zealand.

#1: THE SCHOLARSHIP

Looks like more of a 'marching order' for me. :)

I know I sounded like I downplayed this favor from the Lord, but if I come to think of it, this is the main reason I flew 8,000 miles away from home. A good friend from the University of the Philippines, who will soon be leaving 'home,' once asked me for tips on how to cope with homesickness. I gave her a few points but on top of the list is having a goal and that goal should be very clear in your heart and mind. You have sacrificed the comforts of being in your own home and world, might as well make it very meaningful. Besides, that goal will keep you busy and focused once all the parties and the shopping had done its course.

As for my case, I made it very clear to myself that my top priority in NZ is to deliver what is expected of me by the scholarship program - that is, to  finish my Master's degree with good grades. Thus, early on in the year, I developed this habit of asking this question first whenever I am presented with opportunities: how will this help me finish my postgraduate degree well? So far, by the grace of God, my first year went really good. (I'll talk about my university life in another blog.)

But more than another achievement on paper, this scholarship has allowed me to meet other young Filipino scholars who are equally interesting, exciting, fun, and promising. We only had one "major get-together" last year and I met some of them through my travels around NZ. But it felt so good to be able to get to know people who share the same reason that you have for coming to a foreign country and to just enjoy your new (and oftentimes hilarious) experiences as international students. 

Thawing at Auckland during winter break
(we're still not complete here though)

What was most meaningful for me was the realization that we still have a great number of young Filipinos who haven't given up on the Philippines yet. Oftentimes, and unfortunately, I have been surrounded with so much negative perceptions about our country that I felt I am the only one of the very few who are fool enough to still believe there is hope in our country.

But through this scholarship, I had the privilege of getting to know some of these inspiring Filipinos better, even becoming their friends, and it is just assuring to hear their stories, their dreams for themselves, their families, their provinces, and the Philippines. It's interesting that, even miles away from home, we talk both fondly and frustratingly about our country. At one point, we even have our 'futures' planned, with most of us getting top posts in the government and business sectors and putting into reality the things we learned and discovered here.

Celebrating 114th Philippine Independence Day!

And mind you, this bunch of scholars are professionals in their own rights: chemists, food technicians, lawyers, geothermal scientists, university lecturers, government employees, marine biologists, entrepreneurs, and even one court judge, to name a few. Yet it is humbling that here in New Zealand, we all come to a common ground.

While I do not know their other personal motives, but I trust that in my brief encounters with them, the welfare of the Philippines and its image in the world is part of their agenda.

Lastly, I wouldn't be able to enjoy New Zealand without having to worry about where I'll get money for my expenses if not for this scholarship. Nothing can really get cooler than that. If you just come to think of it, there is such an abundance of wealth in this world. We only need people who are unyielding and stubborn enough to believe in it for them to see it. I just did.

To my fellow NZ ASEAN Scholarship Awardees, mabuhay kayong lahat!